My Disappearance 

 

The face gets scarred at night

In the morning-

the cold water brushes them off

the lipstick and the mascara!

That's it.

And you know nothing.

This ain't my sadness

that still writes to you 

I don't know if I am real anymore?

You might ask, what real is?

I don't know that too.

But I don't get vanquished anymore.

I don't cry.

Everything has gone wrong.

And I have made my settlements with them.

I adored the rattling in my head

when I wrote about you.

There's only repose now.

I have been dying, in loving you

In unloving you.

I have disappeared.

I have disappeared so much that I am invisible to myself.

I could mitigate the illness in me

But the dilemma-

Of the existence of nothingness

keeps me away from myself.

The hollowness in me gets the letters now.

Someone cries without making noise,

Someone gets their heart broken with a loud sound.

Someone in me resides lifelessly 

with deconstructive frames of ideas.

I am not sad.

I am in pain, because I am not sad.