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A Loveless Companion

I try everyday to fall in love with this town. But all that I feel is stuck. It feels as if this little town runs in eternal present tense. its been the same 10 years ago and I feel it will be the same 10 years later as well. Except some rickshaws have been replaced with battery rickshaws, some street food stalls have been replaced with cafes, some garment shops with malls. I am unable to understand how with so much of evolution one can still be the same. 

This feels like a clock less town. There is an innate sameness that resides in this town. Sometimes I feel like I am in a womb and the only way to stretch my arms is to be born by being outside the womb. 

The roads of this town are so memorized that I fail to notice anything except my named location and my destination whenever I walk though the town. Taking a turn on the roads of this town feels like a reaction on the stimulus. 

The only way I had known to love this place is through its absence. The time when I did not live here was the only time I knew I had a place I could call home, a town where every unknown face is known. I do realize at times that its a previlege to have a home, a town and a hometown. 

So I try. I have been trying since the last two years. To fall in love with the place. I look at the sky whenever I get a chance. I buy myself flowers on Sunday morning walks. I try associate it with people I love and have loved in this town. Nothing really works though. But I do feel an extensive ownership for this town. I defend it if needed. I resonate with it, I identify with it. I don't know if that's love or an extreme desire for a permanent address. 

My mother says, being in love and being in a companionship are two different things. The later might not have the first one. 

I wonder if that is what this town is to me...

A Loveless Companion. 

Photograph- Ria C.

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