( Alone)liness 

I think festivals have always made me feel very lonely. The idea of people being together and being happy and also celebrating something is a concept that I think has been very alien to me. I have never been completely happy with a lot of people together. Something bothers me when there are more than two people who are happy together for the same cause. Like a festival. Happiness is supposed to be subjective. Although I realize that festivals make people happy because each associates it with their individualistic happiness. And I, don't have any. 

I have stored pockets of grief in me. And all of them are so disloyal that they break out in moments of happiness. As a child, festivals had been dull at home. Some people tried their best to include me in their happiness but I believe I strongly resent those and I have built my domain were lamenting about being alone is more comfortable. What sadist am I? 

Anyway, this is a dilemma that you will realize if you have lived a life like mine. which is pretty common. Just a stupid one with less money and lesser happiness. 

the desire to be happy is the saddest part of life!