Turn Down The Voices In My Head.

The broken strings of the guitar reminds me of you. wait, that would be a vile lie if I say that. Anything broken had your reflection. beautiful, isn't it? One can always recreate and mould the broken pieces like they want. Your absence is voluble, it is everywhere, in everything and in all that I do. I come home from college and feel your absence, my holiday trips without informing you becomes a restless journey. My illness and my summer job portend nothing without your care and congratulation. 

My father left me numerous times. Once when he left and several other times when you pushed me afar. Disastrous men, ransacking life. HAHAH!

You can call me selfish. I am. Because I chose long term happiness. But, I guess for both of us, we were internecine. Again, a dilemma strikes me every now and then, sometimes I deliberately wish that I had grown a lady and decided to hold on to you, no matter what. But, again I feel that I am at right to walk away because anything ephemeral does not interest me. 

I wanted to be happy, happy with you. I hoped to commingle each other into each other and when that did not happen, nothing else mattered. Nothing else matters. you can forcibly cool a hot bowl of soup but cannot metamorphose soup into tigers. 

Turned out that my one assumption was true. You did need me. you so much needed me that you hardly noticed that I was shattered into thousand trite morsel of life. That's when I got circumspect. I made an irrovocable change and gulped the entire pain rather than drinking it in modicum potion every moment. 

Its been years now and a million countable moments and still could not get you out of my mind. Not that I wanted to. Those memories are portal to our togetherness in the past. thankYou because today I am doing good and all because of you. Living because of you. Dead because of you. Humans, you know, tries every now and then to avoid tenebrous circumstances but gets entangled in a more deplorable one. 

I don't know what plans, the hoodlum named life is holding for me, but after you I have never had the need to hold the hands of any other  man. None I found was as beautiful as you. But but but, as Mr. Hemmingway says it, "Every beautiful thing is painful." to which I add 'and not perpetual'.

" I will meet you later sometime" I told you once. but, I am socially awkward to the people I hold lots of emotion for and resides in a different world than mine. So, I want you not to look at me and if you do, do not recognise me. Because that would blow winds, winds with high velocity and i will go back to you even if there isn't a tiny empty corner left in your life.

You did that everytime, looked at me or uttered my name to call me back. Damn! my heavy heart. You attracted my existence with your words and the look in your eyes. 

i dedicate my ruined, successful life to you. my story is you.

Good bye, once again.

I need to rush back to life. My escape from the reality, when I write about you is over. its 2p.m and library hours are over and I have got classes to attend.

I love you, with a regret that I had never started to.

                                                                 Your forgotten memory.